| 0s | I realized I wasn't coping at work but I |
| 7s | was in denial about that. I was in a |
| 10s | stressful job, I had a lot of |
| 12s | responsibilities, and my defense |
| 15s | mechanism was: "It'll just all - it'll all |
| 19s | pass along, continue what you're doing, it's |
| 22s | just a little bit of stress you're |
| 23s | experiencing, and it'll all pass in time. |
| 27s | With the depression, my thoughts were |
| 30s | very negative which is often the case |
| 34s | with depression. Everything in the world |
| 36s | is seen in a negative light. I was |
| 39s | feeling that I wasn't doing my job |
| 41s | |
| 43s | my self-esteem wasn't as high, |
| 47s | my confidence level had been affected, |
| 49s | decision-making where I would normally |
| 51s | make decisions and stick by them, I was |
| 54s | then questioning the decisions I was |
| 56s | making, "Was I making the right decision?" |
| 58s | which wasn't normally something I would |
| 59s | |
| 59s | Sleeping was affected; during the night I |
| 62s | would wake up ruminating, as we call it |
| 65s | in mental health terminology. All the |
| 68s | certain things, negative things, when I |
| 72s | was in a room with people in a meeting, I |
| 75s | was feeling very anxious, I was having |
| 78s | |
| 79s | sensations, so then I wonder whether |
| 82s | other people were noticing that in me, |
| 84s | you know the junior members of staff at |
| 85s | the time, were they realizing that I was |
| 88s | struggling with my emotions because of |
| 91s | the way I was behaving? Going to my |
| 94s | office, closing the door, and just hoping |
| 97s | that things would go away, but of course |
| 99s | it didn't go away. It just got worse. |
| 101s | The point when I realized that I needed |
| 103s | help was a meeting with my manager and |
| 109s | she could see that I was struggling to |
| 111s | deal with some of the issues we were |
| 112s | talking about. And she said, "Law, I don't |
| 117s | think you're well, basically. I think you |
| 119s | need to seek help." Deep down I knew that |
| 122s | anyway and it - but it probably took somebody |
| 125s | to say it after me and the manager |
| 128s | at the time was probably the right |
| 130s | |
| 132s | I started feeling a change probably after |
| 134s | about two weeks of taking the medication |
| 137s | so I then attributed that to the |
| 140s | medication. I felt right with most |
| 143s | antidepressant medications. It takes two |
| 145s | to three weeks to start having a |
| 147s | therapeutic effect so in my own mind I |
| 149s | knew that my - I was conscious my mood was |
| 152s | changing. I was enjoying things more and |
| 156s | I was - I was having less negative |
| 158s | |
| 158s | I wasn't feeling so negative about |
| 160s | myself and different things. So after |
| 163s | about two weeks, I noticed I was changing |
| 166s | and things were starting to improve. I |
| 168s | feel I've become a stronger person |
| 171s | because I took time off work and I |
| 173s | accepted what the problems were and I |
| 175s | dealt with them in the appropriate |
| 176s | manner and now I'm more insightful now |
| 180s | as to what keeps me well so I can spot |
| 183s | the trigger signs a lot sooner now and |
| 186s | I'll act upon them. If I feel I'm getting |
| 189s | stressed now, I know what to do in order |
| 191s | to to act upon that. Mental illness can |
| 193s | happen to one in four of the population |
| 195s | so if it can happen to me as a |
| 196s | psychiatric nurse, it can happen to |
| 198s | anybody. For more information, visit |
| 203s | |
